Naso

Naso - Mimi Feigelson

Mimi Feigelson is the Mashpi'ah Ruchanit (Spiritual Mentor) and Lecturer of Rabbinic Literature and Chassidic Thought at the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies at the American Jewish University, L.A. Mimi is an Israeli orthodox rabbi and holds a M.A. from H.U., Jerusalem. She was the Associate Director of Yakar, Jerusalem and Director of its Women's Beit Hamidrash. She's taught in Canada, England, the F.S.U and India. Her teaching weaves elements of mind, heart and soul through rigorous text analysis, music and contemplation.

Many times I can see an envious look on peoples' faces when we meet. They think that I have my spiritual life "together" - a God that I believe in, a Torah and Halacha that I live my life by, and a community to take refuge in their midst. I often share that looks are deceiving. What I have are more questions than answers, more unknown than known, more juggling balls than my two hands can keep up in the air at any given moment. If there is somewhere that I take refuge in, it is in the teachings of the Mei HaShiloach.

The Mei HaShiloach, the Ishbitzer Rebbe (1800-1854) addresses the three sons of Levi - Gershon, Kehat and Merari - as three paradigms of what walking with God can look like. Gershon is the Master of Awe - 'Gershonites' believe that "NO" is a safe answer. When in doubt whether or not to do something, they will hold back. When questioning, for example, is a particular innovation favorable in Gods' eyes, they will always err on the side of caution.

Kehat sits on the other end of the spectrum - the Masters of Torah. 'Kehaties' have mastered their studies and understanding of God's Law to the extent that they will always have a way to align themselves with the will of God. They will find ways to experience the new and unknown. They will read between the lines of Torah for clarity. Merari dwells safely between his brothers - the Masters of Mitzvot (commandments) and Good Deeds. 'Merarians' live by the letter of the law. They won't hold back in the realms where they understand the Torah to be expansive, but yet, will never cross the line into the grey area.

When looking at these three paradigms you will see a comfort of self-knowing that comes with a heavy price. Kehat has a sense of self assurance. The mastery of the wisdom of Torah, in its' most expansive meaning, will avail Kehatians to tread in unknown territories, experiencing the vastness and greatness of Gods' world; assured that they will always find a way to align themselves with Gods' higher will. Gershon lives with the assurance that he will never transgress a Mitzvah. Being a Master of Awe means living in a state of perpetual reverence and a sense of the presence of the Divine. Merari experiences the comfort of a simple life. One that lives with reality as it portrays itself at face value. There is minimal turbulence in a ‘Merarian' life - there is a book of laws and customs which leads us down the path of least resistance and maximum clarity.

These are the gifts of their path. But, as alluded to above, there are also dangers that lurk within each one of them: For a Kehatian there is always the question of "Will I go to far?" "Is it possible that I will find myself in a situation that I truly will not know what it is that God wants of me at that specific moment?" "Can I get lost in God's world?" For a Gershonite there will always be the question of: "Have I denied myself of joys and pleasures of the world because of my reverence and awe?" "Are there parts of God's beauty and wonder that I will never experience because I played ‘safe' my whole life?" For a Merarian the question of challenge will always lurk: "Have I ever challenged my spiritual muscles?" "Is there truth to ‘no pain, no gain'?" "Have I missed out on the mystery and secrets of life because I maintained a simple life?" "If there is no agony can there be ecstasy?"

What the three brothers, these three archetypes, have in common is not the clarity of their journey, but rather the doubt and ambiguity of their choices. As journeying through life dedicated to walking in the light of God, what truly pushes us forward is not the answers and clarity of our path, but rather the questions and ambiguity of our journey.